How do you just let someone that's a part of you just walk out of your life. Especially someone that's a part of you, like your child. Like, that person is LITERALLY a part of you that's walking, talking, breathing, and living and you can just go days without thinking about them, or even caring.
WHY? That's honestly the biggest question. Why was I never good enough? Why was I just this hanger on in your life until suddenly you decided to get rid of me for good? I don't know where to go from here because this just fucked me up so bad, like congratulations, you got me! I'm over here feeling like I just got run over by a tank truck and I have for the past few years, since you fucking disappeared and said I was to never come back. Bitch, that is my fucking home. I lived there, I grew up there, I played there, I cried there, I loved there, I hated there, that is my mother fucking home. You're barely there and yet you have the right to throw me out like I never mattered at all? Mother fucker YOUR home is the bar a few blocks away, let's be honest.
You say you weren't and aren't ready to be a father.
Bitch, did I ask to be conceived? NO, so that is a jank ass excuse. You have had twenty years to get your shit together, and you still can't?! That is not on me, that is all on you. It is not my fault your entire life has been one shitty failure after the other, I mean, the LEAST you could do is not fuck up your kids while you're at it. But no, you had to not learn from ANY of the MANY mistakes you've made over the course of your life and basically turn my life into an exact copy of your.
Flighty and verbally abusive parent who finally disappears one day without a warning? Check.
Single remaining parent works all hours and is gone so much you basically live alone from preteen years onward? Check.
Violent older sibling who nearly kills you and then suddenly up and leaves to only contact you sporadically from then on? Check.
The only difference is, I'm doing shit with my life that will break this cycle of abuse. I'm great at what I do and I constantly strive to get better and to improve on what I've already learned. You never finished high school and so are content to stay in your dead end job, with your dead end girlfriend, with your dead end broken down house, with your dead end everything. You will stay miserable because you fear what you don't understand and would rather stay with the devil you know rather than take the chance to see what other options you've got.
Except now, you don't have any, do you? You're going to die miserable and alone, knowing you were a failure from beginning to end, not having taken any chances that would have potentially made you a better person and given you a better life. You're a pathetic excuse for a human being and I'm glad I no longer am your child.
No comments:
Post a Comment