Friday, March 20, 2015

Neukkim Anikka - I've Been Where You Want To Be

I feel like I haven't done a fun post in forever. Whatever, here's one.
I'm a music journalist. I've been heavily involved with the music industry since December of 2009. Name a band, I've seen them in concert most likely. I can't list everyone I've ever seen live, because it would take me days. Bands I've interviewed that are widely known include:
Rob Zombie
Motionless In White
Mastodon
Escape the Fate
Five Finger Death Punch
Children of Bodom
The Casualties
Job For a Cowboy
Butcher Babies
Piggy D
Shinedown
Hollywood Undead
Huntress
Suicidal Tendencies

There's more, but my tired brain can't remember now. I've worked for WWE and covered every major American hard rock festival that isn't band specific (IE Knotfest, Ozzfest, etc). Except Warped Tour, because 1) it fucking sucks and 2) it's easier to get into than a girl's legs at a Hollywood Undead or Escape the Fate after party.

I've learned a lot when it comes to interviewing musicians. Most of it is hilarious.
If you talk to a certain Scandinavian musician and you don't tell him you speak his native language until you answer the phone in it, he will squeal like a schoolgirl even though he's in a death metal band and nearing forty.

Five Finger Death Punch's Chris likes to be complimented on his beard, and will immediately be relaxed and open to answer anything once you do.

Marilyn Manson likes to stare at girls until they shiver, and he'll do anything to make them fall for him, just to make himself laugh.

Piggy D remembers people who have interviewed him more than once and will greet them like an old friend.

Rob Zombie likes to test interviewers and if they pass his test, he'll talk for hours. If they don't, he'll be really disappointed and try to wrap it up as fast as possible.

He also goes through life thinking philosophically about the tiniest things. He likes to help charities and gets emotional talking about them.

Motionless In White's Josh and Ghost will hug you if you're a fan of theirs and playfully make fun of you for wearing a MIW shirt to the interview (even though it WAS at their concert, for Pete's sake! What was I supposed to wear?!)

They will also debunk any image you have of MIW being cool, super goth, or scary, within ten seconds of talking to them, as they are huge dorks.

Attika 7's Rusty is a perverted old man who sexually harasses young females and hits on them even when he knows they're underage.

Motionless In White's Ryan will come to the rescue of a girl being victimized by Rusty and make sure she's okay.

The Casualties are probably the nicest, coolest, most laid back people you'll ever meet, and will make you feel like you're talking to your best friends.

Boys Like Girls' frontman Martin is a total douche who thinks he's much more important and good looking than he actually is and is in dire need of being notified it's not 2007 and he is in fact a hasbeen and/or a neverwas.

Black Veil Brides' Andy whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-is-currently is the worst person on the planet.

All American Rejects' Ty is a lunatic and absolutely hilarious and changes topic at the speed of light, giving off the impression that he himself is on speed, even though he isn't.

Foxy Shazam is an entire band of Tys and will exhaust you within a twenty minute span as none of them can sit still for five seconds and give you the impression that they are all playing a joke on you and will never tell you the punchline.

Escape the Fate's Robert loves to laugh and is so relaxed he'd probably be cool if you ran him over with a semi.

Chris Jericho is incredibly laid back and so humble as to blush when you say you miss seeing him every Monday night. He will talk your ear off about anything and everything.

Shinedown will make you feel like the most important person in the world. They'll make you their world for the time you spend with them.

Barry and Eric are huge huggers and will compliment everyone they meet.

Zach is a sucker for puppydog eyes and will do anything to see his fans smile.

If you tell Brent what an impact his music has made on you, he'll make you pinkyswear to never hurt yourself again, and he'll sing your favorite song of his to you if it's one he didn't perform that night.

I love my job. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time and you want to beat the crap out of some musicians because they're pompous windbags who love to hear themselves speak, but it's the best job in the world.

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