WrestleMania 31 review *RESULTS REVEALED MAJOR SPOILERS*

It's the best night of the year! WrestleMania time! I love everything about WrestleMania. I like the slow buildup, I like the more intense the shows get the closer it is to the event, I like new stars who come alive because of it, I like the whole WrestleMania season.

My first WrestleMania was WrestleMania 24, so I've been watching it a fair few years. I watched WWE as a kid, but was too poor to get any pay-per-views. I stopped watching it around 2003 and didn't start again until the last half of 2007.

I didn't get to see any of the preshow because I was at work, but I caught every match of WrestleMania once it officially got under way. I'll watch the preshow on the WWE Network tomorrow when I get out of class.

Ladder Match for the Intercontinental Title:
This was such a great match! The high spots were awesome, and literally no one looked bad. Everyone involved got a pop in some way or another, because literally everyone did a big move. Wade Barrett looked amazing, like where has that body been? Have I just not been paying attention to his abs lately or what? Dean Ambrose and Luke Harper throwing ladders at each other was pretty funny, with Dean's deadpan face when the ladder missed him was hilarious as it looked like he was lost on whether he was supposed to have taken the shot or not. Stardust's glittery ladder was really cool too, MUCH cooler than Big Show's special reinforced ladder from a few years back. I was upset that it's sequins got destroyed Dean Ambrose like a minute after it was put to good use. Dolph Ziggler proved why he is honestly the best in the midcard yet again and why whomever is burying him is an absolute moron. There was a bit where someone would jump over the ropes onto three guys, then someone else did it, then someone ELSE did it, with everyone standing up to catch the next guy after each time, which dampened the impacts a bit. And, everyone knew going in that Daniel Bryan was going to win, because if he lost, there would have been a fucking riot. So, that was like, kind of anticlimactic, but still cool, because Daniel Bryan is awesome. Other than that, great, fantastic match.

Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins:
So, I'm guessing the first thing everyone thought when Seth Rollins came out was, 'Haha, we all saw you naked!' Because that's what came to my mind. The fact that he's a cheating dickbag makes me not like him as a person, but I still like the Seth Rollins character. He's annoying, and scummy, but he's a fantastic wrestler and pulls out great matches out of everyone he works with. Randy Orton does this as well, so any match with the two of them, you just know is going to be great. AND IT WAS. AAH it was so good! Every time Seth left his feet, it was a WrestleMania moment in itself. That ending!!! How did Randy Orton push him up in the air with just his shoulder?! I love it whenever Randy turns any flying move into an RKO and it's just majestic each and every time.

It really bothers me that valuable time is taken up by a music performance. I watch wrestling to see wrestling, not some shitty, hipster rapper singing an abridged version of his/her autotuned, whiny deuce of a song. We could have seen the tag team championship match instead of that!

Triple H vs Sting:
I was looking forward to this match the most, and it did not disappoint. Triple H's Terminator entrance was AWESOME, despite it only being a plug for the new installment. Sting's entrance was understated and showed how he doesn't need a big, huge, fancy entrance to prove that he's here to impress. He just impresses on his own. Let's get this out of the way: I'm a HUGE Sting fan, because The Crow has been my favorite movie my whole life and my mom told me as a joke when I was little that Eric Draven and Sting were the same person and I believed her for years. So, yes, part of me still pretends it's Eric Draven running around in the ring.
Triple H is getting that pinchy, old man looking stomach and it's really kind of funny to see him sucking it in when he poses. Age gracefully, Hunter, we all do it! I liked how he used 'The Game' entrance instead of 'King of Kings' because I love it when he drops his authority role for a night and is just a wrestler again. I don't like Triple H the COO character, I like Triple H the wrestler character.
I love WCW, DX, and nWo, so this match was my cup of tea all over.
When DX came out, I was so happy, even though I wanted Sting to win the whole time. Billy Gunn is in phenomenal shape and should come back to the ring, seriously. Come home Billy! Come home Mr. Ass! (Still hilarious). X-Pac and Road Dogg are still in good shape to do run ins every now and again. Road Dogg could probably honestly come back part time as well, but he gets winded easily, you can tell.
nWo!!!!! This. Was. Awesome!!! The only thing that dampened the standoff between DX and nWo is the knowledge of how Nash and Hall are still besties with Shawn Michaels and Triple H in real life. If you suspended that belief, it was the coolest thing ever! Also, how the hell did Scott Hall take that bump without dying or breaking in half? I screamed; I was so worried, but he just popped back up and handed Sting that baseball bat like no problem! Sting broke the sledgehammer! It just broke in half!! Like, SNAP! BOOM, it was GONE! Was it a botch that Triple H just sat in the Scorpion Deathlock for like three minutes while the camera wasn't even on him? It was on DX and nWo brawling, but it was just weird that Sting and Triple H weren't doing very much. Like, that's a finisher, why would the camera not be filming that?
Shawn Michaels running in was a great spot, because not everyone expected him to show up. I really thought that the match was over right then and there.
It broke my heart that Sting lost. Why did Triple H do that? Why couldn't he just give Sting his WrestleMania moment? Are he and Vince THAT obsessed with WCW that they just wanted to demolish anything and everything ever related to it that wasn't already under their control? Irritating! Sting should have won!

AJ Lee & Paige vs The Bella Twins:
I love AJ Lee so much! She's tiny, and weird, and quirky, and a nerd and I feel a real connection with her character, alright? Paige, on the other hand, irritates me. She reminds me of those loud, screechy teenage girls who think Ronnie Radke is SOO HAWT, listen to shitty metalcore, and loiter around Hot Topic after school. I appreciate The Bella Twins in that they have actually improved as wrestlers, even though they did pretty much get hired because they're twins and they're pretty. The match was pretty good, for a Divas match in this day and age. There were even some serious bumps! When Paige flipped off of the shoulder, it was more of a gentle, sort of flop, but it was still better than the average Divas match on RAW! When she threw Brie into the steps, that was impressive, because you never see the women really out and out fight anymore, you know? It's like, oh, slap you, pull your hair, let's fight like little bitches. Any match that isn't Paige, AJ, Naomi, or Natalya is kind of boring (NXT not counting). If AJ and Paige hadn't won this match, it would have been a fucking travesty.

John Cena vs Rusev:
Tell me, did anyone honestly think Rusev was going to win this match? They built him up so insanely high and he's an awesome character that's red hot right now, and I'd like it if he still ran rampant through the roster after this, but REALLY, did ANYONE think John Cena was going home empty handed? It's so refreshing to see John Cena in a midcard match. Honestly, if I see him wrestle Randy Orton one on one, I'm going to put my foot through the TV. It would have been more refreshing to see him put over a younger talent on the biggest stage of them all. But since this is WWE and it's always 'LOL, Cena wins', of course Rusev was going to lose. But, if he had to lose, WrestleMania isn't a bad place to do it. It was a solid match; I would have liked to see a more dominant Rusev, but it was an entertaining match.

The Undertaker vs Bray Wyatt:
What the fuck happened with the buildup to this match? It felt thrown together, despite everyone knowing Bray was going to wrestle Undertaker at WrestleMania for like two years. There wasn't even anything riding on it, it felt. Don't get me wrong, Bray's promos have been amazing the past few weeks, but there little to nothing from The Undertaker, and it didn't feel like a feud at all. Just a one off pay-per-view feud, really. It was a great match, though. It really freaking sucks that Undertaker only wrestles once a year now. You'd think if he had one match a year, they could build it up properly and actually make people care about it. What the hell does he DO all year that he can't even make an appearance or two just to make sure his character is still built up and going strong? Seeing Bray do the upside down spider walk and then get interrupted by the dead man rising was COOL AF. It was obvious that the end was rushed, like someone radioed the ref to wrap it up really abruptly. This was another one that would have been a travesty if the obvious one hadn't won. I still believe that the streak should never have been broken; it's 23-0 to me!

Brock Lesnar vs Roman Reigns:
Why do people boo Roman? He's a great athlete, good looking, puts on a solid match each time, oh wait, he isn't Daniel Bryan so all you fucking psychopaths shit your pants that someone else DARED to try to make his name in the big leagues. Yes, Daniel Bryan gets shafted a lot, but he isn't the only one whose allowed to put his name in the main event cap to be the next big thing. The people booing Roman are probably the same morons who chant 'CM Punk' at AJ Lee like you're really doing anything besides making an ass of yourself.
Brock Lesnar wiped the ring with Roman; why? Roman was built up like he was on the cusp of actually being able to beat Lesnar and then it was just, lol, NO! It sucked and felt like they were burying him by making him look weak. Then, just as he was getting some steam, fucking Seth Rollins came out and punched a huge hole in it the fucking match, like no one saw that coming. It was a nice change of pace that he joined the match and actually put some effort toward it, rather than just waiting for the match to end and running in and stealing it. I HATE when Money in the Bank holders do that. It's so cheap and it always leaves a bad taste in my mouth when it happens.

The match endings were a bit obvious in all of them, almost, but WrestleMania 31 was a good step up from some shoddy ass pay-per-views, bookings, and WrestleManias over the past few years.

Chamabolkkeyo - You aren't coming back

How do you find the sound to being abandoned? I thought I would have found it by now, but I haven't.
Is it in death metal?
Is it hidden in angsty Korean pop songs?
Is it found in the lyrics of any song known to man?
I just know I can't find any music that fits my hurt, and I always have before. I guess it's because this time, I know for a fact you aren't coming back. There won't be another day to try again, to see if when you wake up, I'm finally good enough for you to say hello to. There won't be any more trying, any more hitting, any more screaming, any more hiding. How do I miss what I never had? I have a hole in my heart named father, but you weren't that, so why does it hurt so much now?
I want so desperately to just simply hate you. But it's not that easy. You held on just enough so you could abuse me, and ruin my chance at ever having a normal life before you disappeared. I will never get any answers to my questions. Am I just supposed to yell at an empty seat that represents you, because I know you will never answer any of my calls?
I feel you when I cry, I feel you when I try to talk to someone I like, I hear your voice, you will never be good enough, because all you do is cause pain. If I caused pain just by being born, then why should I even try now to have happiness?
What is happiness that isn't laced with the realization that it won't last long and it will be a long time before I feel it again? What is long term happiness? What does it feel like to have someone stick around for more than a few months? What even is love that isn't used as a weapon?
I have lost my way. And I'm having trouble seeing a way out. No one I know has gone through this, so I have no frame of reference as to when this unendurable pain will go away. When will it disappear, like you did? Will it hand me my things and tell me it tried, like you did?
I keep listening to songs, trying to find the sound that will ease it, understand my hurt.
You were supposed to let me stay. I was promised a room, my room, the one I've lived in my whole life. It was an empty promise, like everything you've ever said to me. I want to hear the truth from you, just once. Anything, even if it's just, 'the sky is blue'. But I can't reach you, because you don't want me to. Just stop lying to me just once, and I'll be happy. I'll leave you alone.
I understand that I wasn't good enough for you. I wasn't a good enough daughter. I fought too much, I wanted too much from you. You weren't made to be a father.
All I ever wanted was to be loved by you. And if not, then pretend. Pretend that everything was okay, just so I could pretend for a while that we were okay, that we had dinner together like every other family, that we went to church on Sundays like everyone else, that you came home every night, that you hugged me, that you said 'I love you' before leaving for work. Those are good lies. Just for one second.
My whole life has been temporary. I've had no place, no house, no one, nothing in which to place roots. I have no roots, so what's stopping me from being knocked down? Those families that watched over me, it was always temporary. When they got a new dog, or had a baby, it was time for me to go, to move on, to be someone else's burden.
Do you know how many hours I spent waiting for you? I waited for you to come get me and take me home and see me, and smile, like you were happy to see me. You'd gather me up in a big hug and kiss me on the forehead. We'd eat together and talk about our days and laugh and make jokes.
You never did that. You never noticed me or even cared that I was there. I was always there, waiting for you. But you're never going to do that. You're never going to do any of that, or wake up and magically be someone who doesn't hate me. You never came for me. You will never love me like I loved you. You broke my heart rather than try, because it was easier, because you didn't have to try.

Neukkim Anikka - I've Been Where You Want To Be

I feel like I haven't done a fun post in forever. Whatever, here's one.
I'm a music journalist. I've been heavily involved with the music industry since December of 2009. Name a band, I've seen them in concert most likely. I can't list everyone I've ever seen live, because it would take me days. Bands I've interviewed that are widely known include:
Rob Zombie
Motionless In White
Mastodon
Escape the Fate
Five Finger Death Punch
Children of Bodom
The Casualties
Job For a Cowboy
Butcher Babies
Piggy D
Shinedown
Hollywood Undead
Huntress
Suicidal Tendencies

There's more, but my tired brain can't remember now. I've worked for WWE and covered every major American hard rock festival that isn't band specific (IE Knotfest, Ozzfest, etc). Except Warped Tour, because 1) it fucking sucks and 2) it's easier to get into than a girl's legs at a Hollywood Undead or Escape the Fate after party.

I've learned a lot when it comes to interviewing musicians. Most of it is hilarious.
If you talk to a certain Scandinavian musician and you don't tell him you speak his native language until you answer the phone in it, he will squeal like a schoolgirl even though he's in a death metal band and nearing forty.

Five Finger Death Punch's Chris likes to be complimented on his beard, and will immediately be relaxed and open to answer anything once you do.

Marilyn Manson likes to stare at girls until they shiver, and he'll do anything to make them fall for him, just to make himself laugh.

Piggy D remembers people who have interviewed him more than once and will greet them like an old friend.

Rob Zombie likes to test interviewers and if they pass his test, he'll talk for hours. If they don't, he'll be really disappointed and try to wrap it up as fast as possible.

He also goes through life thinking philosophically about the tiniest things. He likes to help charities and gets emotional talking about them.

Motionless In White's Josh and Ghost will hug you if you're a fan of theirs and playfully make fun of you for wearing a MIW shirt to the interview (even though it WAS at their concert, for Pete's sake! What was I supposed to wear?!)

They will also debunk any image you have of MIW being cool, super goth, or scary, within ten seconds of talking to them, as they are huge dorks.

Attika 7's Rusty is a perverted old man who sexually harasses young females and hits on them even when he knows they're underage.

Motionless In White's Ryan will come to the rescue of a girl being victimized by Rusty and make sure she's okay.

The Casualties are probably the nicest, coolest, most laid back people you'll ever meet, and will make you feel like you're talking to your best friends.

Boys Like Girls' frontman Martin is a total douche who thinks he's much more important and good looking than he actually is and is in dire need of being notified it's not 2007 and he is in fact a hasbeen and/or a neverwas.

Black Veil Brides' Andy whatever-the-fuck-his-last-name-is-currently is the worst person on the planet.

All American Rejects' Ty is a lunatic and absolutely hilarious and changes topic at the speed of light, giving off the impression that he himself is on speed, even though he isn't.

Foxy Shazam is an entire band of Tys and will exhaust you within a twenty minute span as none of them can sit still for five seconds and give you the impression that they are all playing a joke on you and will never tell you the punchline.

Escape the Fate's Robert loves to laugh and is so relaxed he'd probably be cool if you ran him over with a semi.

Chris Jericho is incredibly laid back and so humble as to blush when you say you miss seeing him every Monday night. He will talk your ear off about anything and everything.

Shinedown will make you feel like the most important person in the world. They'll make you their world for the time you spend with them.

Barry and Eric are huge huggers and will compliment everyone they meet.

Zach is a sucker for puppydog eyes and will do anything to see his fans smile.

If you tell Brent what an impact his music has made on you, he'll make you pinkyswear to never hurt yourself again, and he'll sing your favorite song of his to you if it's one he didn't perform that night.

I love my job. It's hard and it sucks a lot of the time and you want to beat the crap out of some musicians because they're pompous windbags who love to hear themselves speak, but it's the best job in the world.

An Open Letter To A Dead Beat

I clap with every word I say when I'm mad. Does anyone else do this or am I insane? I always say, if I'm clapping, I'm not slapping, so consider yourselves lucky, MMMMMMkay?

How do you just let someone that's a part of you just walk out of your life. Especially someone that's a part of you, like your child. Like, that person is LITERALLY a part of you that's walking, talking, breathing, and living and you can just go days without thinking about them, or even caring.



WHY? That's honestly the biggest question. Why was I never good enough? Why was I just this hanger on in your life until suddenly you decided to get rid of me for good? I don't know where to go from here because this just fucked me up so bad, like congratulations, you got me! I'm over here feeling like I just got run over by a tank truck and I have for the past few years, since you fucking disappeared and said I was to never come back. Bitch, that is my fucking home. I lived there, I grew up there, I played there, I cried there, I loved there, I hated there, that is my mother fucking home. You're barely there and yet you have the right to throw me out like I never mattered at all? Mother fucker YOUR home is the bar a few blocks away, let's be honest.

You say you weren't and aren't ready to be a father.

Bitch, did I ask to be conceived? NO, so that is a jank ass excuse. You have had twenty years to get your shit together, and you still can't?! That is not on me, that is all on you. It is not my fault your entire life has been one shitty failure after the other, I mean, the LEAST you could do is not fuck up your kids while you're at it. But no, you had to not learn from ANY of the MANY mistakes you've made over the course of your life and basically turn my life into an exact copy of your.

Flighty and verbally abusive parent who finally disappears one day without a warning? Check.

Single remaining parent works all hours and is gone so much you basically live alone from preteen years onward? Check.

 Violent older sibling who nearly kills you and then suddenly up and leaves to only contact you sporadically from then on? Check.

The only difference is, I'm doing shit with my life that will break this cycle of abuse. I'm great at what I do and I constantly strive to get better and to improve on what I've already learned. You never finished high school and so are content to stay in your dead end job, with your dead end girlfriend, with your dead end broken down house, with your dead end everything. You will stay miserable because you fear what you don't understand and would rather stay with the devil you know rather than take the chance to see what other options you've got.

Except now, you don't have any, do you? You're going to die miserable and alone, knowing you were a failure from beginning to end, not having taken any chances that would have potentially made you a better person and given you a better life. You're a pathetic excuse for a human being and I'm glad I no longer am your child.