I can't live like this anymore. I sat here and waited for you for months. I waited for you to call me, text me, something, because I made you my whole world. You were the sun whose warmth I gravitated towards. I wore the necklace with the charm you gave me on it every day. I touched it and wondered what you were up to, if you were happy. Your happiness was my job. I lived to make you happy, because it was the only thing I wanted to do, the only thing I wanted to see.
You told me you didn't want me the way I wanted you. You told me that a long time ago. I still stayed, foolishly thinking that one day you'd change your mind. I thought about it endlessly, dreaming of the day you would look at me with one tenth of the love I look at you with.
When you left for home over the summer, you were so upset that I couldn't see you to the airport. You were actually angry at me, something I'd never seen before. Angry, because you couldn't see me. The day before that, you gave me a charm of a turtle. You remembered that my Appa told me to dress nicer at the dojang, so that meant no more Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirts. I've loved them my whole life, and you remembered that, and gave me something from your heart. I thought it had finally come, the day that you would realize you loved me.
We talked endlessly while you were gone. Every day, multiple times. Then, it was only once a day. Then, a few times a week. Then once a week. Then only when you remembered. You were back in the country, the same state, the same fucking city as me for four days before you remembered to let me know. You told me when you left you wanted me to come get you from the airport, so you could see me as soon as possible. What happened to that?
I waited for you. I waited so long for you. Not just for you to come back to America, but for you to love me. I wanted everything about you, even the bad things, because you were absolutely perfect to me. It sunk in today, that you really don't want me. And I was an idiot to think that would change.
You used to listen to all my inane thoughts for hours, you said I was fascinating. Now I can't even get you to talk to me. What happened while you were gone? Did you realize how pathetic I was? How crazy I was for doing literally everything under the sun you asked of me just for a little praise?
Or did you find someone else?
Even the thought of that makes me want to tear my heart out. I don't know what you wanted from me, or what you were getting from me, but it's obvious that I'm not doing it anymore. And, I don't want to live in this limbo any longer. I don't want to wait breathless, desperately, to hear from you anymore. I have to move on. I don't have anyone to move on to, true, but I'd rather be alone than the girl you drag around for some unknown reason that even your friends are beginning to question.
